


An Affair to Forget

by storyplease



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Accidental Pregnancy, Angst, Cheating, Death Eater - Freeform, F/M, Knockturn Alley, Snily, first wizarding war, implied severitis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-27
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-08-08 05:09:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16423013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storyplease/pseuds/storyplease
Summary: Severus never thought that he'd see Lily again, but when she nearly barrels into him while he's attending to business in Knockturn Alley, it is the beginning of something that is nigh prophetic.





	An Affair to Forget

The autumn wind cut through Severus' threadbare coat as he made his way down Knockturn Alley. He pulled his collar up tighter, but it did little to keep out the cold. It was a restless sort of day, and he'd only been out for a short time to grab a quick bite to eat. Lucius had instructed him to wait in the dingy one-room apartment above Borgin and Burkes that Severus had been renting for the past few months. Severus hadn't yet been Marked, but Lucius had promised that he would be shortly—he need only be patient. Soon, he would have access to the power and privilege that had been denied him when his mother had decided to shack up with a dirty Muggle. Soon, doors would open and he would be able to make a name for himself. No longer would he bow and scrape for scraps in the Muggle world.

Severus was half a block from the side alley that hid the stairs to his apartment when he heard a familiar voice.

"Bloody men and their bloody secret clubs and their double bloody Stag Do!"

Severus felt his heart grow still. Could it be?

Angry steps moved towards where he was standing, but he was frozen to the spot. It had been so long. Perhaps he was wrong.

A large, forest-green cloak rounded the corner and the swearing continued. The hood was pulled over the wearer's face, but the long red hair and the Muggle tennis shoes were a dead giveaway.

"Lily?" He hadn't realized he'd said her name aloud until she raised her head.

She, too, froze. "Severus? Is that...you?"

"Last time I checked," Severus said, reverting to his default sarcastic manner to keep himself from shutting down entirely. "I heard you got  _engaged_."

It did not escape either of their notice that he'd said  _engaged_  like one might say  _defrauded_  or  _arrested_.

"I heard you got  _Marked_ ," Lily retorted, her nostrils flaring.

"Not as such," Severus replied, pulling his sleeves back to show her. "Not for lack of trying, though. I'll have you know that being the Darkest Wizard Ever To Roam The Wizarding World is actually rather thankless work."

Lily's mouth puckered ever-so-slightly, and Severus knew that she was trying not to smile. Just like that, he felt fifteen again, his heart throbbing in his throat every time she smiled at him.

"Don't be such a git," she said, finally, but she was smiling and shaking her head at him.

"So, then," he said, wildly trying to think of something to say, "what brings you to this beacon of modern decency and lawfulness?"

"I—UWAH!" A large rat ran by and they both jumped back to avoid it. As it reached an over-full rubbish bin, a hag popped out with a cackling scream and pounced upon the rat, devouring it bones and all. Lily stumbled on a cobblestone, pressing against Severus and suddenly he was fairly certain that he could no longer feel his own legs.

"Would you...like to come up to my place?" Severus asked, trying not to keel over from the heady scent of her hair. "I promise there are fewer rats. And tea. I could make us tea."

"Well, it is pretty chilly out, but..." Lily trailed off, righting herself and pulling back slightly. She looked a little lost, and he couldn't help but soften his expression.

"I promise, I don't bite," Severus said.

The sound of a group of men's raucous voices echoed down the alleyway she'd come from and Lily stiffened, grabbing Severus by the arm. "Ok, Sev. Lead the way."

* * *

"I'm going to need something a bit stronger than tea," Lily said, as she collapsed onto the lumpy sofa.

"Are you sure?"

"I have had a hell of a day, and I will be damned if I have to spend the rest of it sober," Lily declared.

"That bad, eh? Might it be that Potter is the source of your woe?" Severus asked as he poured her a glass of firewhiskey.

"Is it that obvious?" Lily sank back, her hand over her face. "James kept going on about how he was too mature to need a Stag Do, and like the absolute fool I am, I believed him! Then Sirius shows up, and they sheepishly admit that they've got all manner of  _fun_  set up for the night!"

Severus winced at the shrill sound of Lily's voice. "So, it sounds like they're up to no good again. What a surprise."

"I know," Lily said, "I'm an idiot for marrying him."

"Well, in my experience, love is usually idiotic," Severus deadpanned.

"Hah! You can say that again," Lily said, laughing sharply.

"I could, but I won't." He smiled crookedly at her.

"Come on, I can't be the only one drinking. I don't want to be known as a lush." Lily tilted her head endearingly, and Severus could barely stand it.

"And we can't have that, now could we?" he said, pouring a glass for himself and sitting next to her on the couch.

At some point, he could tell in a detached sort of way that he'd had a bit too much. Lily, too, was giggling and placing her hand on his lap every few minutes. Soon, she simply left it there, and Severus felt the urgent heat of it pulsing against him.

"Mmm, is it bad that I wanna kiss ya, Sev?"

He blinked. "Huh?"

Lily had leaned forward on the couch, one of her hands pressing against his thigh while the other stroked his cheek. "I said—"

Suddenly, then his arms moved as though of their own accord and he was pulling her against him, kissing her roughly. He couldn't even believe it was happening at first, but he could taste the firewhiskey and a faint hint of strawberry on her lips.

It was wrong. They both knew it.

Soon, reality would crash in and steal the time from them, but the precious hours that followed were pure bliss.

* * *

" _Why_ , Lily?" Severus scratched absently at his forearm, staring miserably at the polluted river to his right.

"James told me what happened. They got a bit drunk and then came home early. He didn't go to the red light district. Sirius was just joking." Lily's words came out quickly as though she was simply reciting them from a page.

"And what of what  _we_ shared?" Severus stared at the muddy water, his eyes locked on a floating tire.

"It was a mistake, Sev." Lily looked away, biting her lip. Severus could see tears brimming in the corners of her eyes.

"Really?" he managed, his voice choked with bitter disappointment. "You certainly sang a different tune when you were begging for release like a cat in heat."

Lily went scarlet. "How  _dare_ you!"

Severus scowled at her, his voice rising. "No, Lily, how dare  _you_  call  _me_  here after a month of dodging my calls and returning my letters! You told me that you had to get a few things in order and then you disappeared! I thought the worst until I ran into you and  _Potter_  playing newlyweds at the market last Tuesday!"

"I...I couldn't leave him, Sev. He needs me." Lily bit her lip, her eyes overflowing with tears.

" _I_ need you, Lily. You keep me from doing things that I regret." Severus scratched at his forearm again. " _Please_ , Lily. Come back."

Lily stepped forward, wiping her eyes on her sleeve, and Severus couldn't breathe. She stood on tiptoe, and pressed her lips against his.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, then she stepped back quickly and Apparated away.

* * *

Lily came back not one, not two, but seven times.

Severus hated how weak he was. He'd let her in, she'd pull him against her, and he was lost. They spent golden hours tightly wound together in a time out of time. Everything fell away as they came together, only to part again in the cold light of morning. Severus would always wake up just as Lily Apparated away. He knew that he was far better at pleasing her than Potter. The sound of her voice as she screamed his name was music to his ears. He took solace in the fact that she always left something behind- a sock, a book, a mood ring she'd gotten for her tenth birthday.

If she left something, he reasoned, then she'd have to come back.

Severus increasingly found ways to justify things. 'She felt pressured to be with him after seven years of Potter harassing her. She was forced into it. She  _chose_  to be with me.'

Besides, he had his secrets. Lily had not yet noticed the concealing charm that he'd cast on his recently acquired Dark Mark. He hated keeping it from her, but he knew that she'd never understand. She didn't know what it was like to be poor and starting out in the world. Besides, if he was going to provide for her, he would have to have connections. Rumour had it that the Dark Lord himself had a mission for Severus. He was certain it would be his big break.

"You'll see, Lily," he said, as he fixed his Death Eater mask over his face, "I'm doing this all for you."

* * *

The prophecy had been vague. It could apply to anyone, really. Certainly nobody he knew. Sure, he knew that Narcissa Malfoy was expecting, but the thought of a pure-blooded Malfoy bringing down the Dark Lord was utterly absurd!

Severus had only just thrown aside his Death Eater robes and mask when he heard a panicked knock at the door. With a swish and flick of his wand, he hastily levitated the mask and cloak into the closet and charmed the door shut, then ran to the door, his wand ready for trouble.

When he opened the door, though, it was Lily that fell into his arms, her shoulders shaking with silent sobs. Immediately, Severus pulled her away gently and inspected her for injuries, his heart hammering in his chest.

"Lily, Lily, Lily, whatever could the matter be?" he asked softly, pulling her into an embrace.

Lily just cried harder. Severus rubbed her back in a slow circle until she'd calmed down somewhat, then walked her over to the couch and sat her down.

"Stay here," he said, "I'll get you something to drink."

She nodded, but said nothing.

He put some tea on the boil and brought her some biscuits.

"There," he said, "Now, please, tell me what is wrong."

Lily's lip quivered and she twisted her scarf in her hands.

"Come on, there's no need to—"

"I'm pregnant."

Severus nearly dropped his teacup. "You're—"

"I did the spell. I checked it twice." Lily looked grim.

"Is—is it mine?" He could barely get the words out, but he had to know.

Lily nodded. "I'm certain."

Severus felt something twist in his stomach. "And...when do you suppose you'll be due?"

"Mid July or early August." Lily looked pale and she pursed her lips.

Severus felt a keen sense of nausea fill his belly. No. It couldn't be true. Just like that, he knew at once that if she stayed with him, the Dark Lord himself would demand that she be brought to him. She would be tortured and killed all because of her connection with him. He would rather die.

No, he had to protect her.

"It can't be mine," he said, stumbling backward.

"I did the figures twice."

"You must be mistaken, then." He grasped his forehead, trying to still the sudden throbbing ache in his skull.

"Sev...what are you hiding from me?" Lily's voice had a slight hysterical lilt to it, which made Severus set his teeth on edge.

"Nothing," he said irritably. "It's just...it couldn't be mine. We've only...it was only a handful of times."

"It only takes once, Sev," Lily said, her voice growing colder.

"I can't be a father, though," Severus said adamantly. "Not now."

"You don't exactly have a choice. That ship has sailed. You can't make me un-pregnant," Lily said, her temper flaring.

"I could prepare a potion—" Severus clamped his mouth shut when he saw the horrified look on Lily's face.

"I can't believe this," she said, finally. "I told him I was leaving him. For good this time."

"What?" Severus blinked.

"But now I see that you are in no state to take care of a family," Lily said angrily. "And I always thought that out of the two of you that you'd be the more mature one."

She stomped over to the hall closet, unwarding it with an angry twist of her wand. "I'm going to grab my rain hat. I left it here last time. Wouldn't want to leave my  _baggage_ around for it to  _inconvenience_  you!"

She pulled the closet door open, and it was only when the Death Eater mask tumbled out onto her shoe that Severus remembered that he'd not had a chance to properly hide them away.

"Shite!" Lily swore, jumping back as though she'd been burned. "You're one of  _them_ , aren't you?! The ones that want to exterminate  _my kind_!"

"Lily, I can explain—"

"What, that you're a genocidal maniac to all the other muggleborns but I'm a special exception? That's even  _worse_!" Lily shouted furiously.

"I'm sorry...I...I didn't—"

"What,  _think_  with that unusually large, clever brain of yours? That's utter shite, and you know it," Lily growled dangerously. "You know, you are right about one thing, though."

"Lily,  _please_! I lo—"

"You absolutely couldn't be the father of this child because it's become rather obvious to me that you're a heartless monster!" Lily's voice broke as she spoke, and she hugged herself tightly, her eyes growing watery with wounded tears. "Keep the bloody hat. I don't care anymore. Goodbye, Severus Snape. I hope you rot in hell!"

With that, she Apparated away with a thunderous crack, leaving Severus standing in the middle of the room with his heart silently shattering and wondering just how much worse things could get.

As he would find out, the answer was  _much, much worse indeed._


End file.
